Every Day Dawns
by Katriona1
Summary: Carby. An accident threatens their happiness.
1. Sunshine and showers

Title - Every Day Dawns  
  
Author - Katriona  
  
E-mail - JNButler19@aol.com  
  
Rating - PG-13 just in case, but not sure  
  
Summary - Abby and Carter are together, but something major will happen.  
  
Authors note - AU fic. It's the first fanfic I've had the courage to let others read. Please R and R, I need all the help I can get!  
  
Disclaimer - I don't own anything, etc.  
Every Day Dawns  
  
Chapter 1 Sunshine and showers  
  
Abby's POV  
  
I rolled over, stretching out and automatically feeling for the warm body next to me. It wasn't there.  
  
'Dammit,' I thought, but before beginning to wonder why he hadn't come home, the butterflies in my stomach kicked in and I remembered. 'Today was our wedding day.' Smiling to myself, I sat up and glanced out of the window. Sunny, perfect. As I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, I heard a tap on the door, and a blonde head poked round it.  
  
'Good, you're up. Coffee in five minutes.' Susan shouts as she walks towards the kitchen and I groan. With Susan organising me, I won't have a minutes silence to think. Not that I need to, I have no last minute doubts at all, just terrible nerves. Shuffling my way into the kitchen, I can smell coffee already, tormenting me with its wafts of caffeine. Standing by the counter is Susan, humming to herself and gazing out of the window.  
  
'Why are you so happy this morning?' I grumble, sitting down at the table and glaring at her.  
  
'Because my two favourite people are getting married today, and I've only been waiting forever for it to happen.' She put a mug of coffee in front of me, the only thing that has been getting me through the last few weeks.  
  
'Awake and ready to go?' I nod, sipping the coffee and feeling more awake already, but before I can say so, she is whisking me off my feet.  
  
'Good, now go have a shower. I need perfect skin to do your makeup.' I sigh. It will be a long morning.  
  
Carter's POV  
  
Its morning, but hardly feels like it as I roll out of bed. Pulling the curtains wide open, I squint at the sunshine, but smile. Brilliant. Wandering down the stairs, I see Gamma coming out of the dining-room, and run the rest of the way, shouting 'Morning' as I go.  
  
'Well someone's in a good mood.' She comments, smiling.  
  
'Why shouldn't I be? Today is the day I marry the most beautiful woman in the world.' She grins again.  
  
'Well, no woman will marry you if you look like that. Go and get dressed. It's nearly half past ten.'  
  
'Half ten. Why did no-one wake me?' I turned to dash back up the stairs but Gamma caught hold off my arm and stopped me.' 'Because you aren't getting married for four hours yet, and everything is under control. Now, the first thing you need to do is go and have some breakfast.' Dragging me by my arm, she lead me into the dining-room and sat me down as if I was five years old again, putting a plate of toast and a cup of coffee in front of me and settling down opposite as I started to eat.  
  
'I can't believe it.' She said quietly, almost to herself, and I glanced up, looking into her eyes.  
  
'Can't believe what?' She shook her head, laughing.  
  
'Can't believe my grandson is going to be married. It only seems five minutes since I was changing your diapers.'  
  
'I think it was longer that five minutes Gamma.' I look down at the plate of toast and push it away. I'm not hungry any more. Gamma notices,  
  
'Pre-wedding nerves?' she asks, and I smile.  
  
'Not really. Just to happy to eat I think. It's like all my dreams have come true.' Gamma smiled again,  
  
'I know. She is a wonderful woman. She reminds me of me when I got married.' I smile again, but begin to feel apprehensive.  
  
'It's a shame my mother doesn't feel the same thing. She hates Abby.' Gamma shook her head,  
  
'No John, she doesn't hate Abby. She just thinks you should have ended up with a society girl instead of a nurse.' I shook my head, imagining marrying one of those blondes my mother was always trying to set me up with, the ones with the fathers in politics. No, give me Abby Lockhart any day. 


	2. Sunshine and showers part 2

Title - Every Day Dawns  
  
Author - Katriona  
  
E-mail - JNButler19@aol.com  
  
Rating - PG-13 just in case, but not sure  
  
Summary - Abby and Carter are together, but something major will happen.  
  
Authors note - AU fic. It's the first fanfic I've had the courage to let others read. Please R and R, I need all the help I can get!  
  
Disclaimer - I don't own anything, etc.  
  
Sunshine and showers part 2  
  
Nobody's POV  
  
They stood before the crowd of people, the perfect couple, and said their vows, completely oblivious to others around them, until the words they had both been waiting for were spoken.  
  
'Dr Carter, you may now kiss you wife.' The room broke out in applause and cheering as he bent to kiss her, and when they turned to face the congregation, their smiles lit up the room.  
  
They were soon surrounded by people as they walked through the doors to the marquee next door, hand in hand, husband and wife. As they sat down next to each other, ready to eat, they caught each other's eyes, and at that moment, they loved each other more than they ever had before.  
  
All through the meal, they touched each others hands, unable to stop looking at each other, and as the afternoon went on, they became more and more happy. Soon, the band struck up, and John led Abby onto the dance floor, twirling her round so her dress swung out and her hair floated in the air, her silvery giggles taking off and hovering above them as he pulled her close, kissing her gently and holding her, never wanting to let her go. It felt right, her in his arms, they fitted together perfectly and they forgot everyone else, so intensely focused on each other, until the music changed, and they pulled apart slightly, smiling at one another bashfully, like shy teenagers on their first date as they walked to the side. Abby sat down on his lap, curling herself up so his arms fitted round her as they watched their family and friends mingle. This was a perfect moment, Abby thought, as she ran her finger around his wedding ring, and looked into his eyes. It couldn't get any better than this.  
  
Looking at them from the outside, they were perfect. The couple the hospital had waited to get together, had taken bets to see how long it would take, had been most fiercely gossiped about and most welcomed when they announced their engagement. They were the couple everyone wanted to be happy.  
  
Soon, the party began to disperse as their colleagues began to leave. Most were working that night, having been desperate not to miss the wedding, and soon, Abby and John announced they were leaving for their honeymoon.  
  
When they opened the doors, they noticed the torrential rain and, amongst shouts of congratulations and good lucks, they ran with coats pulled above their heads to the limousine that was waiting for them.  
  
Slamming the door shut, they sat down heavily, shaking their heads like dogs and scattering raindrops everywhere. John turned to her, looking into her eyes.  
  
'Hello Dr Carter.' She said, smiling at him. 'You look very smart today.' He grinned back, playing along as his arms pulled her closer to him and they snuggled down.  
  
'Well, I should do. I got married today.' She raised her eyebrows in mock surprise.  
  
'Poor woman. Give me her address and I'll write a letter of condolence.' He grinned, but pretended to be put out.  
  
'And why would you need to do that?' She turned her face upwards, looking at him and leaning closer.  
  
'Because I'm about to steal her husband.' He bent down and kissed her, a long, gentle kiss full of love and belonging. Opening his eyes, he looked at the woman in his arms, and smiled as she opened hers.  
  
'Hello Mrs Carter.' They were soon completely lost in each other's embrace, not hearing the rain increasing, hitting the roof of the car in a rhythmic beat. They finally separated when they realised that the limousine had stopped, and Carter wound down the window, glancing out into the cold, wet air.  
  
'Just lights. They'll change in minute.' He said, pulling his head back inside and looking at her as she shivered slightly.  
  
'Cold?' She shook her head,  
  
'Not really. It was such a beautiful day this morning. Who would have thought it would turn out like this.'  
  
Carter shook his head.  
  
'Do you know something?' he asked, looking at her.  
  
'What?'  
  
'If every day until I die is as good as today has been, I will never be sad.' She smiled, thinking of the future, their future.  
  
'I don't think I will ever be as happy as I am today.' She said, taking his hand in hers.  
  
'Well, I will do my best.' Carter replied, leaning to kiss her again. As he sat back up, he glanced out of the still open window, and a green glow reflected off the wet road as the lights changed, and slowly, the limousine moved forwards, taking them forwards to their future. As the two newly weds kissed again, neither noticed the truck jumping red lights as they crossed the junction, heading towards them at such a speed that, when they were finally aware of the screeching tyres and the massive vehicle, there wasn't even time to scream.  
  
Please R and R, I know its bad but if you have any criticism, I would be glad to hear it, even if it's just to avoid unnecessarily subjecting others to my writing! 


	3. Night

Title - Every Day Dawns  
  
Author - Katriona  
  
E-mail - JNButler19@aol.com  
  
Rating - PG-13 just in case, but not sure  
  
Summary - Abby and Carter are together, but something major will happen.  
  
Authors note - AU fic. It's the first fanfic I've had the courage to let others read. Please R and R, I need all the help I can get!  
  
Disclaimer - I don't own anything, etc.  
  
Night  
  
There was darkness, and he felt like he was drowning, he could feel the water around him, his back was cold and wet and it was dark, even when he opened his eyes. He tried to turn his head but pain shot through his body and he moved his eyes instead, just enough to see bright lights flashing in puddles, a long way from where he lay. Pushing through the pain barrier, he moved round, desperately trying to work out what had happened. Rolling to his right, he came face to face with a seat, obscuring his view, so he rolled the other way, and the light shining from the lamppost near him meant that he could see everything. The limousine he had been travelling in extended before him, upside down and crushed, and he could see why. There was the cab of a truck about five metres away, dissecting the limo in half. As his eyes adjusted more, he saw that it hadn't even turned over, just ploughed into them and turned them over before driving over them. Just before the limo disappeared under the tangle of metal, he could see her, or at least he thought he could, an arm reaching towards him, and, barely visible next to the truck, the rest of her, lying still, covered in a black substance, oil or maybe, possibly blood, the red indistinguishable in the darkness. He tried to move, but the pain shot through him again, and he gave up, dropping his head back to the tarmac and closing his eyes, his ears suddenly becoming more alert. He could hear voices, faint, far away, or maybe it was him that was far away, he felt like he was floating, drifting away on a cloud. There was nothing, no pain, no darkness, no cold, just soft white cushions carrying him.  
  
As he fell asleep, a sharp, harsh noise filled his head and he groaned, opening his eyes again to the horror that was before him. He shook his head slightly before realising what had happened, and began admonishing himself for beginning to fall asleep, angry and in pain. He looked to his left again, trying to see what was happening, ad tried to move, desperate to crawl towards her, to hold her, to tell her everything would be alright, but the pain was back again, paralysing, destroying. He contented himself with shouting at her instead,  
  
'Abby! ABBY! Please, answer me. Come on sweetie, wake up. Abby, answer me.' He shouts turned to sobs as he received no movement, no sign of a response, nothing that could indicate she was still alive, except the every steady flow of liquid that he could see, and was almost certain was blood.  
  
The noise was back, louder, and this time he could recognise it, a chainsaw, something to cut through metal, and he could see the sparks flying in the puddles. He closed his eyes, he thought for only a moment, but then was aware of someone next to him, saying words that sounded alien, strange syllables pieced together with no meaning, just noises. Opening his eyes, the words suddenly became real as he watched the persons mouth, a man, looking at him with a concerned but professional air.  
  
'It's ok sir. We'll get you out off here soon.' He tired to move his head, but the man's hands were in the way.  
  
'You need to keep still.' The voice came back as he closed his eyes, and he sighed with annoyance.  
  
'My girlfr . my wife. Please you've got to help her. How is she?' He was desperately trying to look, but the man stopped him, putting a collar on him and shining a light in his eyes.  
  
'Follow the light with your eyes.' He tried to knock the light away, he didn't want to follow a stupid light, and he wanted to see Abby.  
  
'Please, tell me how she is. I'm a doctor, I want to know.'  
  
'Ok sir. We are doing everything we can. Now, can you feel you legs.' He tried to nod but realised he couldn't and settled for a quiet reply,  
  
'Yes.' The man's voice was quieter, he had moved.  
  
'Can you wriggle your feet for me?' He tried but pain shot through his body and he groaned.  
  
'Do you have any back pain?' There the voice was again, close to his ear, like a fly that persisted in buzzing round his head, he wanted to swat it but it hurt too much when he moved.  
  
'Yes.' He voice was feeble, not like him at all. He needed to pull himself together, to try and move, to help them with Abby. He could here voices in the distance, more cutting equipment near where he had seen her. The voices were concerned, some of them, others higher and more desperate, shouting orders quickly, like he did in a trauma.  
  
Focusing on himself, he felt a backboard being slid underneath his body and his head being stabilised, the straps brought across his chest to tie him down and then he was being dragged along the ground. He opened his eyes again, trying to see her, but there were too many people in the way and he shut them against the blur of colour and movement he was confronted with as he was raised onto a gurney and wheeled towards the flashing lights. He tried not to go back to sleep, and that damn voice was back again, telling him he must stay awake, but it was too much to ask for, and he ignored it, slipping into darkness as he heard the doors slam behind him and felt the rig begin to move off.  
  
Please R&R, I really appreciate it, even if it is criticism, which is likely. Thank you. 


	4. In Sickness and in health

Title - Every Day Dawns  
  
Author - Katriona  
  
E-mail - JNButler19@aol.com  
  
Rating - PG-13 just in case, but not sure  
  
Summary - Abby and Carter are together, but something major will happen.  
  
Authors note - AU fic. It's the first fanfic I've had the courage to let others read. Please R and R, I need all the help I can get!  
  
Disclaimer - I don't own anything, etc.  
  
In Sickness and in Health  
  
Carter's POV  
  
I wake up again to more voices, and the swaying sensation I feel tells me that they haven't arrived at the hospital yet. I can hear a voice, medical instructions being spoken over the radio, and I strain to listen,  
  
'A multiple MVA coming in, us and three others, two critical including this one.' There was a pause before he started talking again,  
  
'Male, early to mid thirties, penetrating wound to the abdomen, probable internal bleeding, semi-conscious, BP 100 over 80, pulse slow and weak at 96. About 3 minutes.' Three minutes. For the first time since the accident happened I wonder whether they are taking me to County, and who is on tonight. Most of the people I know I guess, since most of them switched shifts to work tonight so that they could come to the wedding. I almost can't bear it, I want to open my eyes and beg them to turn around, to take me somewhere where I'm not known, where people won't have to go through this on my wedding day, they can find out tomorrow instead, but I know it can't happen so I relax.  
  
Before I know it, I can feel the ambulance stop, and the doors are opened, a burst of cold, damp air filters in and I flinch as I am lifted down. The paramedic begins the bullet, but I hear a gasp and recognise the voice, Susan.  
  
'Oh, my god, John.' There is shock and surprise, and other voices join hers, first the paramedic,  
  
'You know him?'  
  
'Yeah, he's a resident here. He got married today to a nurse who works here.' I can feel myself moving, and hear Susan shout for Kerry, saying that it's me. Her voice joins the throng, and she tries to get me to open my eyes, but I can't, it hurts too much and I groan instead.  
  
She takes over the trauma, and I can hear orders being given. God, it's hell being a doctor, I know what tests they are ordering, what they mean, what is happening to me. Another voice joins in, Elizabeth's. It must be bad if they have got surgery onto me. I open my eyes for the first time since I arrived as I feel her hands on my abdomen, and groan in pain. Kerry looks at me, and smiles slightly.  
  
'It's ok John. You're here now. We are going to do everything we can to help you.' I reach for the oxygen mask that covers my face, and she tries to stop me, but I push her away and speak,  
  
'Abby?' Kerry looks nervous, and glances at the others in the room. 'She .. she is alright, isn't she.' I am desperate to see her nod, to hear her say she just has concussion, but there is a sombre mood to the room that makes me fear the worst, and my eyes demand an answer from her.  
  
'They .. ' Kerry looks lost for words, but swallows and carries on, 'they are having some problems, from what I hear. She is trapped in the car, underneath the truck. They are doing everything they possibly can.' The words wash over me, not really sinking in, just floating on the surface, waiting to be caught before flying into the air above my head. All of a sudden, nothing hurts, nothing except the dull ache of dread, heartache and lost love. I start crying, tears running down my face and stinging as they touch the scratches that bleed like my heart.  
  
'Its .. its our wedding day. It's supposed to be the happiest day of our lives, and it ends like this.' Kerry touches my face.  
  
'It won't end like this, for either of you. We will do everything.' I look at her again, and I know that she can't know Abby is still alive, she can't know that she will be ok, but I beg her anyway, my words full of emotion, a mantra I need to say,  
  
'I love her. Tell me she's going to be ok. I love her. Tell me she's going to be ok.' And I lie there, and nobody gives me an answer. I look around at the people in the room, all the people I work with every day, and none of them can give me an answer, or at least not the answer that I want. Kerry, Susan, Elizabeth, Malik, Haleh, Chuny. For once, they all stand silent and they know as much as I do how uncertain this all is. Finally, Elizabeth speaks up,  
  
'Let's worry about you now. You are bleeding; both from the penetrating wound and the internal bleeding you are suffering. Now, I would like to get you up to surgery as soon as possible. It isn't a matter of life and death yet, as the blood transfusions mean you aren't losing that much blood, and the bleeding has been slowed down considerably. I just need you to sign the consent form and we will take you up.' She hands me the forms, but I put them down.  
  
'I'm not signing anything; I am not going to surgery until Abby is here. I have to see her.' Words swim around me, protests from the doctors, my friends, but I don't listen. 'I'm waiting for Abby. When we got married today, I promised never to leave her, in sickness and in health. She's my all, my everything. I'm not leaving without her.'  
  
The people in the room all look at each other, and then look at me, but I close my eyes, ignoring them. What business is it of theirs? I have to know how she is. What if I went into surgery, and she, god forbid, arrives and dies, and I don't get a chance to say goodbye.  
  
The room slowly starts getting quieter as people leave, and I feel the blood transfusion being started, and the oxygen mask being placed back on my face, but I don't open my eyes until I think everyone has gone. I am wrong. Susan is sitting next to the bed, her eyes closed and looking exhausted.  
  
'Hello' my voice sounds funny but she opens her eyes and smiles gently at me.  
  
'I knew you wouldn't.' I must look confused because she carries on,  
  
'I knew you wouldn't go to surgery without finding out about Abby.' 'Have you heard anything?' She shakes her head.  
  
'No, but she is going to kill you when she gets here.' I can't quite work out where this is going.  
  
'Why?' 'For being so stubborn, for not getting the medical treatment you need, instead making large romantic gestures that endanger your life.' I smile slightly, visualising Abby's face, hearing the words. She's right of course.  
  
'It's my wedding day. I'm allowed to be romantic.' Susan's face falls as she remembers us, just a few hours before, and I carry on.  
  
'Didn't imagine the evening ending like this, did you?' She shakes her head, and as the full reality of what has happened hits me, my chest hurts so much I can hardly breathe. This is our wedding day, the day I have been waiting for, ever since I first knew I loved her. It wasn't supposed to be like this. We were supposed to be on a plane, drinking sparkling grape juice, flying to our tropical island in the sun, our paradise, the one I always dreamed of.  
  
I open my eyes again, and see Susan crying. Reaching out my hand, being careful not to pull the IV, I touch her's and she looks at me for a second before taking it, brushing her tears away with the other.  
  
'It's ok. It's going to be ok.' I say, and she shakes her head quickly, and looks at me again.  
  
'Of course it is. You're right. I'm sorry, I'm just being stupid.' 'You know what Abby's like. She's not going to give up just like that.' Susan nods her head in agreement, and we fall quiet. We both know that what we have just said is a complete lie. I saw her, lying on the road, unconscious and dying. Susan knows as well as I do that all that was said is fake, false. How does she know that Abby will be all right? There is nothing guaranteeing it, yet we still say the words. So what if Abby is strong? Being strong won't save you if the injuries are too bad, too horrific. Being strong won't save you if you're dead.  
  
'Can you go and see if anyone has heard anything?' I need to know, I have convinced myself that Abby won't make it, but in my heart, I can't accept that any of this is real. She nods and stands up as Kerry comes into the room, and they both go out again, and stand in the hall, talking about me. Susan goes off, and Kerry comes in. She does my obs, and I watch her face the whole time, looking for some clue that will tell me something.  
  
'Well John you're ok for the moment, but I really would prefer it if you would let us get you to surgery. Your BP is steadily dropping, as are your SATS.' I shake my head,  
  
'I'm not going till Abby comes.' She sits down beside me and sighs, and I have a horrible feeling of dread.  
  
'John, the thing is .. ' she can't carry on, and I immediately fear the worst. 'Has .. has she already gone?' The words are out of my mouth before I can think of their meaning, and she looks me straight in the eyes.  
  
'No John, she is still alive.' I sigh as relief floods over me, but she hasn't finished. 'She has very severe injuries though. They haven't got her out yet, she is trapped under the truck, and losing a lot of blood. She .. she probably won't make it John, from what the paramedics have said over the radio.' I shake my head, refusing to believe her, but deep down, I know she is not lying.  
  
'No. If she isn't dead, there is still a chance. I'm not leaving her.' Kerry looks at me mournfully.  
  
'John, listen to yourself. Being stubborn and waiting here for her isn't going to help her. If she dies, being here isn't going to prevent it. When .. if she dies, it is going to be terribly difficult, not only for you but also for the whole of the ER. Imagine what it would be like if you were to die as well, if we lost both of you. Please, for once, put yourself first.' I can feel water on my cheeks as she speaks, and realise that I am crying.  
  
'Stop it. Stop talking as if she is already dead. She's still alive. You can't talk about when because it hasn't happened, and it's not going to. She's alive, and I for one am not going to give up on her, ever.' Alarms start going off around me and Kerry stands up, putting the oxygen mask back over my face and checking the IV.  
  
'Calm down John, come on, no more talking now.' I can feel myself getting dizzy and close my eyes, just for a second, just to rest them, and I can hear voices above me, medication being given, and, for a couple of minutes I struggle to remain conscious, focusing on a voice I hear over and over again, Susan's.  
  
'Come on John, stay with us.' She repeats herself, and, finally, I can grasp the words properly and open my eyes, looking at concerned faces around me.  
  
'Welcome back.' Elizabeth has returned and is doing an ultrasound, frowning for a second at the screen. I am about to speak, but Luka comes into the room and says the words I have been waiting to hear.  
  
'They've got Abby free. They're bringing her in.' Kerry and Susan leave before I can ask any more questions and I am left with Elizabeth, not concentrating on what she is saying but watching my friends go down the hall towards the ambulance bay.  
  
'John.' Her voice is sharp and I focus on it, as I realise she is talking to me. 'What?' I snap, and immediately regret it.  
  
'We need to get you to surgery. Now.' I shake my head again. 'Let me just see Abby. I have to know how she is.' My mind wanders again, as Elizabeth continues talking.  
  
'John. Please.' She sounds annoyed, and I shake my head, 'Sorry, I wasn't listening, what did you say?'  
  
'We need to get you to surgery as soon as possible. Abby's here now, and we will be able to assess her injuries. But John, I need you to promise me. Whatever the situation is with Abby, you will sign the consent form, won't you.' I look at her, feeling numb. I don't want to leave her, but logic is beginning to take over.  
  
'What if I stay here and help Abby, and we get another surgeon to operate on you. Would you consent then?'  
  
Before I can answer, my attention is diverted by noise and people next door as they bring Abby in.  
  
'Do you want me to go and see how she is?' Elizabeth asks and I nod, but before she leaves, she turns to me again.  
  
'Do we have a deal John?' I catch a glimpse of Abby, her eyes shut, covered in blood and oil, and suddenly realise that I am no good to her dead, I can't help, and Abby needs Elizabeth more than I do, so I nod.  
  
I see her one last time, as the doors open and Elizabeth goes through, before they swing shut again, and I am left alone.  
  
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I really appreciate the encouragement I have been getting from people, it gives me the confidence to write the next part and post it. Please continue to R&R, as I have said before, all comments gratefully received. Thanks. 


	5. Survival

Title - Every Day Dawns  
  
Author - Katriona  
  
E-mail - JNButler19@aol.com  
  
Rating - PG-13 just in case, but not sure  
  
Summary - Abby and Carter are together, but something major will happen.  
  
Authors note - AU fic. It's the first fanfic I've had the courage to let others read. Please R and R, I need all the help I can get!  
  
Disclaimer - I don't own anything, etc.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------  
  
Survival  
  
Susan's POV  
  
I stand in the ambulance bay with Luka and Kerry, waiting for my best friend. They all look worried, anxious, and my mind begins to wander. A few hours ago, John and Abby were dancing, swirling and twirling in each other's arms, smiles spread across their faces and almost laughing with happiness. Now, this. Carter inside, waiting for surgery, and us standing here, not knowing what disaster the rig might bring, what pain, what suffering. We know it's bad, but how bad. Will she have a pulse, will she be DOA? As the ambulance pulls up, I breathe in deeply. I guess I am about to find out.  
  
The doors open and the paramedic jumps down as hands reach out to help her, and there is a sharp intake of breath all around as we see her.  
  
'Unconscious, severe chest and abdominal bleeding, severe head trauma, BP 80 over 60 and falling fast, SATS 75.' Kerry speaks up admonishingly.  
  
'With SATS that low she should have been intubated already.' The paramedic shrugs as she is taken into the trauma room, and for a split second, I watch, looking in as an outsider, hardly able to take in what I see.  
  
She looks so small, her brown hair coated with blood and oil as it lies against the white of the gurney, her head and neck stabilised, and Chuny bagging her. There is blood everywhere, all over her chest and abdomen, covering her clothes. As Malik cuts the clothes off her legs, I can see the lacerations that cover them, deep and caked with sticky black oil, with blood streaming down them. Just for a second, as I move closer, I catch sight of her left hand, and see the white gold ring still shining, before blood covers her fingers, and I go into doctor mode. Kerry moves round and Haleh hands her the intubation tube, and the alarms begin to go off as her SATS fall even more, she mutters to herself as she struggles to see, and the room goes silent, the beeps of warning cutting through the air. We wait for a second, and then she is in, and Chuny returns to bagging her, as we watch as her SATS climb quickly.  
  
'Ok, C-spine, chest and pelvis, head CT' and I begin to blank out as Kerry reels of the medical terms I know so well, yet suddenly they mean nothing to me as I stand watching.  
  
Elizabeth comes in, and asks how she is, and, looking through the open door, I can see John watching before it swings shut again, and the pain and agony I saw on his face is gone. Kerry has the portable ultrasound in her hand and is scanning her abdomen when, suddenly, she stops.  
  
'Oh my god. She's pregnant.' The room goes silent again, and Chuny breaks it.  
  
'How far?' Kerry looks harder, 'About eight weeks. It looks fine, the heartbeat is good, and there is plenty of fluid, no signs of bleeding or trauma.' Looking at Abby it seems hard to believe that something so little, so vulnerable could escape harm, but it has.  
  
'Do you think they know?' I speak for the first time, and Kerry looks up.  
  
'Probably not.' She looks as though she might say more but alarms go off again as Abby goes into V-tach. Suddenly, everyone moves again, and the paddles are brought out.  
  
'Charging to 200. Clear.' Kerry shocks her, and her tiny body jerks, blood oozing out again.  
  
'Nothing. Charging to 360. Clear.' This time there is a sinus rhythm, and everyone breathes a sigh of relief, but as Elizabeth assesses her many, horrific injuries, we all know that her chance of survival is almost non- existent.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------- Sorry this bit is so short. Having major confidence issues and I don't know whether to continue, it's not exactly an original plot. Anyway, please R&R, I need all the encouragement and advice I can get, and it is really appreciated. 


	6. No Sunshine Today

Title - Every Day Dawns  
  
Author - Katriona  
  
E-mail - JNButler19@aol.com  
  
Rating - PG-13 just in case, but not sure  
  
Summary - Abby and Carter are together, but something major will happen.  
  
Authors note - AU fic. It's the first fanfic I've had the courage to let others read. Please R and R, I need all the help I can get!  
  
Disclaimer - I don't own anything, etc.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------  
  
No Sunlight Today  
  
Susan's POV  
  
We watch as he is wheeled in to see her. He looks exhausted, and so he should, he only came out of surgery a few hours ago, but is acting against all medical advice by coming down to be with her. He will be ok, he'll survive, but there's nothing more that can be done for Abby. Every time we tried to move her up to surgery, she would crash again, but every time we managed to get her back. Elizabeth finally operated down here, patched her up, but her injuries were too extensive, and now it's just a waiting game without a future. We kept her on the ventilator while John was in surgery and recovery, knowing that he would want to say goodbye, but now he is out, Elizabeth will take her off, after John says she can.  
  
We all watch as he takes her hand, and begins talking to her, and the pain is apparent on his face, grief and despair, such a contrast from the happiness there had been, almost fifteen hours ago now when they said their vows. The accident happened about twelve hours ago, and surgeons worked through the night to save him, as Elizabeth worked down here to save her. Normally, in an accident like this, three out of four is considered a success, but not now, not when it is Abby that we are losing. Of course, really, it's three out of five, a baby that nobody will ever know will die with her, despite the fact it is healthy and well.  
  
I glance for a second towards exam 2, where the driver of the truck is being treated. Drunk, completely unaware of what he has done, his arm is handcuffed to the bed and, when the drink has worn off and a neurological exam can be done, he will be taken away. The limousine driver has already been discharged, because it was a stretch limo, he escaped with cuts and bruises.  
  
I look at Carter again, and then walk over to admit. It seems disrespectful to watch him say goodbye. Everyone stands around, unsure of what to say, what to feel. Luka looks terrible, exhausted, we all are. We all should have gone home by now, our shifts have finished, but none of us can leave, not until it is over.  
  
It is quiet, hardly anyone to treat, and we stand and watch the seconds tick away. Chuny, Haleh and Yosh are all crying openly, and even Malik has a tear in his eye. These are the people who worked closest with her, who did the same job as her. Despite the fact she socialised with doctors, she was a nurse, one of them, and they hurt as much as any of us. Deb has been crying, her eyes are red and sore, but she has stopped now, and just looks complacent, resigned. Kerry, well it's hard to see what Kerry is feeling, the cold exterior has taken over, but I know inside that she is hurting as much as the rest of us. And me? I don't know. I feel numb. Nothing seems real, everything kind of fuzzy, like I am wrapped in cotton wool, but I am dreading when this wears off, the acceptance of what has happened, the grief, the pain.  
  
None of us feel as bad as John does though, and it seems unfair that this should happen again, just when he is happy, for it to be snatched away again. I look outside, through the ambulance bay doors, and see sunlight flickering in the puddles. It shouldn't be sunny, not today, not now. It should rain, the clouds should gather overhead and grumble, they should mourn among themselves as we do, and cry tears that soak us all. The sun should be banished, and the darkness that rests inside us should be spread like a quilt over the city, and everyone should feel as bad as we do. Looking back down the hall that is soaked in the sunlight that floods in through the windows, I repeat myself out loud.  
  
'There shouldn't be sunlight. Not today.'  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------- Thanks for all your comments, they really mean a lot to me. Please continue to R&R or I might not carry on posting the next chapters. Thanks again. 


	7. Goodbye

Title - Every Day Dawns  
  
Author - Katriona  
  
E-mail - JNButler19@aol.com  
  
Rating - PG-13 just in case, but not sure  
  
Summary - Abby and Carter are together, but something major will happen.  
  
Authors note - AU fic. It's the first fanfic I've had the courage to let others read. Please R and R, I need all the help I can get!  
  
Disclaimer - I don't own anything, etc  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------  
  
Goodbye  
  
Carter's POV  
  
I sit beside her, and take her hand, still warm, still pink, but I know this will not last. I know she's not alive any more, that it's just machines, but I try to put that thought out of my mind, and pretend that none of this is happening. We're at home, and I'm lying in bed, watching her sleep. I move closer to her, and stroke her face gently.  
  
'I'm sorry I left you. I'm back now. I'm here now.' She looks so peaceful, and there is almost no indicator that there is anything wrong, nothing except for the tube breathing for her, and the IV's in her arms. A stark contrast to when I last saw her. I was being wheeled off to surgery, having finally given in, and I asked to see her before I went. She was covered in blood, and they had been working on her for ages. Elizabeth was just getting ready to operate, her last chance, and I kissed her cheek and whispered 'I love you' before I was whisked away. Before I knew it, I was awake again, and Susan was sitting by my bed, looking solemn and scared.  
  
'Abby' I asked, daring to hope that she was ok, but she shook her head, and my heart plummeted. Susan went through the medical side of it, but I didn't listen, and drifted off again into a confusing few hours of nightmares and pain, but the worst came when I woke up, and the reality hit me. This was not a dream. I demanded to see her, said I would walk down if they didn't give me a wheelchair, and finally they relented, and here I am.  
  
It seems impossible, the contrast between then and now. When I left, she looked so bad, so much in danger, and yet there was still so much hope, still so much life in her body, and now, there is nothing. She look's so peaceful, so healthy, just like she does every morning, and yet she will die. It's not fair.  
  
I watch her face, taking in every minute detail. Her eyelashes against her soft, creamy skin, look like a dolls, not real, but I expect them to flicker open, and reveal the glittering, laughing eyes I love so much, smiling at me before she teases me for watching her. Yet, there is no movement, I will never see them again, and for the first time I begin to accept that she will die.  
  
I take her hand, and see the wedding ring shining, brand new and perfect, placed there only yesterday. Was it only yesterday? It feels like a million years since we stood before our family and friends and were so happy it felt like my heart would burst. It feels like that now, except this time it is overwhelming grief and pain that causes it.  
  
'Oh Abby. I love you so much.' I need to tell her, and for one crazy second I expect her to smile at me, but there is no movement, and I carry on.  
  
'You know, you have saved my life so many times. I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for you, and yet I have to say goodbye.' I give a big sigh, I'm not making any sense but there are things that must be said,  
  
'I think I loved you from the first time I saw you. You were, and always have been wonderful, and every time I looked at you or spoke to you, you weaved your magic a little more and I was hooked. And you were always so oblivious of my love. I watched as you dated Luka, as you laughed with him, and walked with him, but you always turned to me for help, and danced with me, and leant on me, and that kept me sane. I thought that I could survive with that, could be happy with you as a friend but, deep down, I knew that it was never enough. So many things happened on the way, so many times we were hurt, but we ended up happy. I will never forget the look on your face when I asked you to marry me, as the shock turned to unadulterated happiness and joy, and I knew at that moment that everything would be ok. Except it isn't. I love you more in this second than I have ever loved you before, and I know I will never love anyone again, not like you. Nobody could ever capture my heart like you did, and I will never let anyone try.  
  
Do you know you are pregnant? Well, you are. There is a baby living inside you, who is perfect, and healthy, but I will lose it when I lose you, because it can only survive with you, and I think it's the same with me. I don't think I can live without you, I can't carry on but I know I must and it is killing me.  
  
I wish we could just get up and walk out, together. I would whisk you away to where there are no people, nobody but us, nobody to hurt us or try to separate us. And then I will bring you home, to our home, with the white picket fence and the wide expanse of grass and the children jumping through the sprinklers on a warm summers day. I promise Abby, we'll do it. When you wake up, when you get out. We'll have it all.  
  
But you're never going to wake up again, are you? And we will never watch our children play, and we will never grow old together because I have to leave you here. I have to say goodbye, but I don't want to.  
  
I'll miss you. I'll miss you first thing in the morning when I wake up alone, and your warmth and your smile and your love aren't there to brighten up the day. I'll miss you when I go to sleep, and I lie on my own in the dark, without your breathing breaking the silence. And I'll miss you a hundred times, a thousand times more during the day, in every waking moment and sleeping second that I am without you, because I love you. You are my everything, my all, my day, my night. You are my dreams, my soul. You are my heart. I love you.' Tears threaten to overwhelm me, and I look at Elizabeth who has stood in the corner, waiting for me to finish, and I see tears in her eyes, as she whispers,  
  
'I'm sorry.' I keep hold of her hand as she moves, and I close my eyes as I hear the ventilator being turned off, and the tube being taken out.  
  
'She'll probably breathe on her own for a little while, but it won't be any longer than a few minutes. I'll leave you alone now.' My eyes are still closed as I hear the doors swing shut behind me, and I kiss her hand, letting my head drop onto my arms as I wait, and the tears begin to run down my face.  
  
::  
  
I wake up, struggling through the darkness that is my dreams until my eyes open and I squint against the brightness of the day. Suddenly, I realise what day it is, and I feel sick with dread and grief. Stumbling out of bed, I make my way into the lounge, and see Susan in the kitchen, already dressed in black and making coffee. She looks at me, and gives a sympathetic smile before handing me the mug.  
  
'Here you go, drink this.' I gulp the scalding liquid down in one, and she looks worried, but I dismiss it.  
  
'What's the time?' She looks at her watch,  
  
'About half ten.' I explode with rage, uncontrollable.  
  
'Why the hell didn't you wake me? The cars will be here at half eleven.' She looks surprised and alarmed, and I immediately feel guilty, and flop down on the couch, leaning forward and holding my head in my hands .  
  
'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I can't do this.' She sits down beside me and holds me in her arms, as she has down many times over the last week.  
  
'I know, I know. But you will. And you know why?' I shake my head, 'Because you have too.' The tears are still flowing but I lift my head and nod. 'You're right.' She looks at me and brushes the tears away with her finger. 'Go and get dressed.'  
  
I go and stand in the bedroom, our bedroom, and look out of the window. It's sunny, and in a way I am glad. Turning round, I look at the room. It's still full of her things, her clothes draped over chairs, her photos and jewellery stand on the dresser, her hairbrush still has her hair on it. Her earrings I gave her for her birthday glitter in the sunlight, and for the first time, I force myself to look in the jewellery box that stand next to them. Her engagement ring lies against the cloth, never to be worn again. She took it off the morning of the wedding, leaving the bare finger free for her wedding ring, which is still in the pocket of my jacket. Kerry gave it to me as I left the hospital. I shouldn't have left, I signed out AMA, but I needed to be here, where there was still something of her left, or at least I thought there was. There is nothing now, just meaningless objects in an empty room.  
  
I gaze out of the window again, watching, waiting. For what, I don't know. There is no future for me. The rest of the world will carry on and I'll be left behind, mourning. I'll be one of those bachelors that appear on chat shows and talk about how they loved and lost. Or maybe I'll just hide myself in this apartment for the rest of my life, and watch as the cars carry on down the street, the people with places to go and people to see, people who love them, people who care.  
  
Oh, there are plenty of people who care. There are cards all over the lounge, filled with words of sorrow, and yet none of them mean anything. There were cards before as well. 'Congratulations.' 'Good luck.' Susan came round before I left and packed them all away, the wedding gifts as well. One day I'll read the cards again, but not now. Not today. A black car pulls up outside the building and for a second I wonder who it's for, and then I remember. It's our car. The car that will take me to say goodbye. I don't want to.  
  
Before I know it, I am standing at her graveside as they lower her coffin. I can hardly remember the funeral service, it is all a blur. I vaguely recall different people talking about her, hands on my shoulders to comfort me, and the dried flowers. I remember the flowers that she loved so much. I also remember the panic I felt when I walked out of the apartment block and saw the car waiting, the same colour as the limo, and I almost couldn't get in it, I froze, but Susan took my arm and guided me.  
  
It is sunny, too hot for black, and I feel like I am going to faint. Everything goes wobbly, dark, and I am falling, and vaguely, in the distance, calling from a long way away, I here my name.  
  
'John. John. John.'  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------- Thank you so much for continuing to review. It gives me the confidence to carry on. This isn't the end yet but if you don't keep reviewing, I won't post the rest. Thanks. (Please R&R, just in case you didn't get the hints!!!!) 


	8. Miracles

Title - Every Day Dawns  
  
Author - Katriona  
  
E-mail - JNButler19@aol.com  
  
Rating - PG-13 just in case, but not sure  
  
Summary - Abby and Carter are together, but something major will happen.  
  
Authors note - AU fic. It's the first fanfic I've had the courage to let others read. Please R and R, I need all the help I can get!  
  
Disclaimer - I don't own anything, etc  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------  
  
Miracles  
  
Carter's POV  
  
I rub my eyes, and open them, and I am in hospital again, and Abby is lying in front of me, and Kerry is standing beside me with her hand on my shoulder.  
  
'John.' I look at her. 'You've been asleep.' I look back at Abby, lying there so peaceful and realise that, although the funeral was all a dream, this is still a reality, and my heart sinks.  
  
'How long? How long have I been asleep?' She looks at her watch. 'Almost five hours.' My mind can't quite take it in, and I look at Abby again. 'Five hours? But Elizabeth said.' I trail off as I am filled with dread. Abby must have died, and I was asleep, but Kerry starts talking.  
  
'John, Abby has been breathing on her own for five hours, and she is showing significant signs of improvement. We need your permission for Elizabeth to take her up to surgery and see if she can repair some more of the damage.' I look at Abby again in shock.  
  
'You mean, she's still alive.' Kerry nods her head. 'Yes. It's a miracle.' I take the consent form from her and sign it quickly, and watch as Abby is wheeled away. I had been unaware of other people in the room, but I see Elizabeth leave, and Susan and Luka are standing in the corner. Susan moves over to me, and starts pushing the wheelchair out of the room, following them towards the elevators.  
  
'Come on. You need your rest.' I can hardly think as I look down the hall and see all the people standing round the admit desk, smiles spread across their exhausted faces. The ride back up to surgery recovery is blurry, and I can't quite focus on anything as Susan talks constantly to me. She wheels me into the room and helps me into bed, but I hardly realise she has done so until she is tucking me in.  
  
'Am I dreaming?' I speak for almost the first time since Kerry told me, and Susan shakes her head.  
  
'No, you're not.' I can't believe it, and suddenly I feel my eyes getting moist and I look down at the sheets, but Susan reaches out and lifts my chin again.  
  
'It's ok to cry Carter. God, after what you've been through, I'm amazed you have held out this long.' I look her in the eyes.  
  
'I really thought I had lost her you know.' She sighs, and glances out of the window.  
  
'She's got a long way to go Carter. She still might not make it.' I sigh as well, one minute I could dance on the clouds, the next I am brought to earth with a bump.  
  
'I know. But she has got past the first hurdle, the big one. It's all downhill from here.' I am trying not to cry, but the tears run down my cheeks, and Susan stands up from the bed, moving over to the window as I surreptitiously wipe the tears from my eyes. Susan turns back towards me, and leans against the wall.  
  
'I just don't want you to get your hopes up too much. She suffered absolutely horrific injuries. There could be severe brain damage, septicaemia could set it, anything could happen.' I nod.  
  
'I'm a doctor. I know the risks. But if this has taught me anything, it's live for today. And at the moment, she is alive, when an hour ago I thought she was dead.' Susan looked at me strangely.  
  
'An hour ago you were asleep.' I chuckle slightly, but then stop as the horrors of the dreams set in.  
  
'I dreamt that Abby had died. It was the day of the funeral. You helped me get ready, and then it was the funeral and I had to say goodbye and.' The tears start again, a flood, and she sits back down on the bed and fishes out a tissue from her pocket. I take it and wipe the tears away, but they don't stop, and she takes hold of me and rocks gently as I cry. For a minute, there is nothing but pain and worry, and all the tension and stress I have been holding inside pours out.  
  
'I though she was dead. I really thought I was going to have to spend the rest of my life without her and she was lying there and she looked so small, so weak, and I didn't want to say goodbye.'  
  
'I know. Shh, come one. I know.' She talks to me like I was a small child, and slowly I begin to control my breathing and pull away from her.  
  
'You weren't the only one suffering you know. I thought I was going to lose my best friend. Everyone was really upset about it. None of us wanted to say goodbye.'  
  
'I know.' Wiping the tears away, I suddenly feel exhausted, and flop back onto the pillows.  
  
'Careful Carter. You only had surgery a few hours ago.'  
  
'Yeah. Doesn't feel like it though.' It doesn't. It feels like a million years ago that I was saying goodbye to her, and now she is alive again, and nothing else matters.  
  
Susan pulls the blinds across, and I struggle to keep my eyes open.  
  
'Get some sleep Carter.' Her voice sounds far away, but I open my eyes again, and look at the clock.  
  
'Not until Abby gets out of surgery.' She shakes her head at me.  
  
'She'll be hours Carter. You'll be better off if you sleep now, and then you can sit with her in recovery. I promise I will come and wake you when she is out ok?' I make a vague, grunting noise. I want to reply, but my eyes are shut and I can feel myself floating away.  
  
::  
  
There is someone shaking my shoulder, and although I try to ignore, I can't and slowly open my eyes. There is Susan, leaning over me, and looking worse than I feel as she tries to wake me up.  
  
'Carter. Wake up. Now.' I try to sit up and pain sears through my body as I slowly remember what has happened and, looking down as my chest, I can see the dressings, and the cuts and bruises.  
  
'Is Abby out of surgery yet?' I still haven't focused yet but I can see just enough to make out Susan nodding.  
  
'Can I see her?'  
  
'In a minute.' There is something in her voice, and suddenly nothing is fuzzy any more, everything is so clear and sharp it hurts.  
  
'What's wrong?' Susan sits down beside me.  
  
'Nothing's wrong. It's just...Well, they had to put Abby back on the ventilator.'  
  
'Why?'  
  
'It's just a precaution, her sats were a little low, and they didn't want to do anything to risk the baby. They have said she should be off in a couple of hours.' I hardly hear the last part; my mind is still focused on the words before, more specifically the word baby. Then, I remembered Kerry saying something about Abby being pregnant, and the baby still being alive but I had forgotten all about it, I was so focused on the grief. But now there isn't grief any more, there is a future and there is hope. I feel like dancing round the hospital singing the news, but decide that maybe that wouldn't be such a good idea, and settle for going to see Abby. Susan loads me up into the wheelchair and I am like an excited child as she pushes me through two sets of doors.  
  
And there she is. She looks beautiful, wonderful. I ignore the ventilator and instead focus on the baby monitor strapped round her tummy. I can hear two sets of heartbeats, the fast of the baby's and the slower of hers, but they are both there, they are both alive and I move closer.  
  
Touching her hand, I run my index finger over the white gold wedding ring on her left hand, and then stroke her arm gently, the pads of my fingers negotiating the bruising and scratches she is covered in. I touch her cheek gently, and her eyelashes flicker. Taking her hand, I whisper,  
  
'I love you. I love you so much. You have no idea how scared I was. I thought I had lost you. And now you're back, and there are two of you.' I touch the sheet where her tummy is, and for a second, I think she squeezes my hand, but there is no more movement and I realise I have an overactive imagination. It doesn't matter though. She is here, and she isn't going to die, and maybe I will get that dream, with the white picket fence. But all that is in the future, and I bend and kiss her hand slightly. Our future.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------- You didn't really believe I would kill off Abby did you? Sorry if this doesn't make sense or is a bit rushed, I am a bit tired and stressed at the moment but I didn't think I should make all you people who have been reviewing wait any more. Please continue to R&R though. Thanks. 


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